Sex with The Hulk would be… unfortunate. Even if he was in control of himself long enough to not leave your body looking like the aftermath of a Gallagher show, you’d still have to deal with DAT DICK! My god, The Hulk’s wang must be massive. Just a big, fat, veiny, angry looking cock with balls the size of basketballs. If his dong doesn’t split you in half, the gamma blast from his dick hole would shotgun it’s way through your freaking skull. Hmmm…I’ve obviously put some thought into this,  is it too late to call “No homo”? Point is, no va-jay-jay, short of Ms. Marvel, could receive The Hulks massive member. Yet, I’m sure there are plenty of real girls out there who have fantasized about being ravaged by this green giant. They crave Hulks not so eenie meanie.

Anyhow, here’s a COLLEGE HUMOR video about it. Sadly, it doesn’t end with sexual partners exploding from the inside.

Jesus lady! It only looks small in comparison to his leg muscles.

Two weeks ago, almost to the day, we here at Nerd Bastards reported the hiring of actress Jessica Chastain to Iron Man 3.  Jessica was said to be up for the role of a scientist that is the intellectual equal of Robert Downey Jr.’s Tony Stark.

Keyword here being “was”.

Jessica confirmed, via her Facebook page, that she will not be involved in the film. She said the following:

“Sorry to say that ‘Iron Man’ 3 isn’t going to work out,… My schedule is jammed packed and I can’t fit anything else in. The press announced my possible attachment far too soon. I know many of you wanted me to be involved, and I’m so sorry to disappoint you. Hopefully there’ll be another Marvel film in my future. Shane Black and everyone on the IM3 team are really wonderful. I’m very excited to see the film when it comes out. xx”

I don’t even know who Jessica Chastain is, so I can’t say if this sucks or not, but Jesus… what a hotty. Guess this means the role is still open. Any suggestions on who should take over?

Written and directed by Shane Black (and co-written by Drew Pearce), Iron Man 3 stars Robert Downey Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow, Don Cheadle, Ben Kingsley and Guy Pearce and is set for release on May 3, 2013.

Source: Coming Soon

Those fucked up nerds struck again.

Seth Green along with his wife Clare Grant and her friend Rileah Vanderbilt had a threesome made a sequel to their first hawt Star Wars video of the chicks having a cat fight.  With light sabers.  This new flick also features light sabers and a lot of Dark Side/Light Side rivalry in the best way possible.

Curious?

Check it out below. It starts off like a your average porn flick with some hot chicks in a bath tub with some wet shirts, phallic objects and nice tits… And escalates to some epic ‘gasms for nerdfolk all around.

… And don’t forget to laugh at the nerds in the comments who were expecting some Chewie pr0nz.

Source: Topless Robot

Just weeks before opening weekend, 20^th Century Fox has announced that Ridley Scott’s Prometheus has finally received its official rating of “R”.  While some fans were worried that the film might be gimped to make a PG-13 rating (and thus more monies), Ridley Scott plus Aliens universe does not a children’s movie make.

The official rating was bestowed upon Prometheus for “sci-fi violence including some intense images, and brief language.”  Damn.  I was hoping that “repeated full-frontal nudity” would have been on the list.  I guess you can’t have everything.

In other news, Guillermo Del Toro expressed his concern that his At the Mountains of Madness project may suffer due to Prometheus’s success.  Del Toro’s adaptation of the H.P. Lovecraft story was shelved earlier due to budgetary reasons, but there is always a chance that production could resume.

Del Toro, however, believes that chance may be slim-to-none because of the various similarities between Lovecraft’s story and Prometheus.  In a recent interview about the subject, Del Toro spoke about Lovecraft’s influence on the Alien world and his concern that the two movies would be too alike to produce so close together.

When asked to elaborate, Del Toro had this to say:

“Same premise. Scenes that would be almost identical. Both movies seem to share identical set pieces and the exact same BIG REVELATION (twist) at the end. I won’t spoil it.”

Somehow, I doubt fans would be too upset if Del Toro made a scary Lovecraft horror flick.  It is, however, left in the hands of production companies who often don’t see the art of a movie as being preferable to cash money.  This is a shame, especially considering that At the Mountains of Madness could have ended up being the first H.P. Lovecraft adaptation that didn’t completely suck balls.

Regardless of the consequences, Prometheus set to open on June 8^th of this year – and YOU should go see it cause it’s going to be freakin’ amazing.

Thanks to slashfilm and geektyrant for helping us out on this one.

Lena Headey has quite the role in the upcoming reboot (Lords of Kobol! I hate even recognizing that Stallone EVER made a Dredd movie.) of the Judge Dredd comics titled Dredd starring Karl Urban.

Lena plays the part of Madeline ‘Ma-Ma’ Madrigal.

“She’s a prostitute who then kills her pimp and takes over his drug-running business, and Ma-Ma is a bit of a man-hater.”

Dredd takes place in Mega City One, one of the few remaining quasi-civilized cities on Cursed Earth. Judge Dredd (Karl Urban) is the most well known and feared Judges. Street level officers of the law with the power to enforce and sentence offenders on the spot – lethally if necessary. Living in this violent world, ‘Ma-Ma’ does what she has to. Lena went on to describe the character:

“I think of her like an old great white shark who is just waiting for someone bigger and stronger to show up and kill her,” continues the “Game of Thrones” star. “She’s ready for it. In fact, she can’t wait for it to happen. And yet no one can get the job done. She’s an addict, so she’s dead in that way, but that last knock just hasn’t come. This big, fat, scarred shark moving through the sea and everyone flees and she’s like, ‘Will someone just have the balls to do it? Please?‘”

This NerdBastard won’t have much trouble accepting her as a bad person. I’ll just think of Cersi and take away all her families money. Although we have not seen a trailer or clip for Dredd yet, the stills are looking good. That gritty, violent look and feel that the Judge Dredd comics have always had seems to be coming through in the film.

Geek scientists around the world have been trying for years to duplicate the almighty icon of the Jedi – the lightsaber.  And though this invention has seen many less-than adequate incarnations, it still remains a piece of science fiction for the most part.

Laser technology manufacturers Wicked Lasers is now saying that they’ve made something that almost lives up to the awesome that a true lightsaber is.  Dubbed the “Laser Saber”, this is pretty much the same thing they’d produced more than a year ago, but now with a fancy Lucas-inspired housing that will no doubt bring copyright lawyers down on their heads.

The Laser Saber takes the world’s most powerful legally-owned laser and puts a big handle on it so the owner can swing it around.  It won’t cut through limbs yet, but the laser is known for being not quite so safe.  Shining the laser in someone’s eyes may blind them permanently and aiming it at someone’s skin will give them a nasty burn.  Wicked Lasers warns users of their faux-saber to not screw around with it and to wear laser glasses any time it’s turned on.

Admittedly, a working lightsaber is not something that would be classified as a toy by any means.  And this toned-down version is no exception to that rule.

Most videos of the Laser Saber look none-too-impressive, though here’s a marketing video that makes the laser look cooler than it probably is:

Thanks to Topless Robot for the heads up.

So what happened this weekend? Ha! Kidding, of course. I, like I’m sure many of you, was at The Avengers at some point over the weekend, maybe repeatedly. But by now you’re wondering what happens now? And Marvel Studios President Kevin Feige has some answers courtesy of CHUD:

So, Skrulls? Those rights are still (sadly) with Fox, right?

Yes, Skrulls have a big connection to Fantastic Four. So there are some contractual limitations about who can do what when it comes to Skrulls. Though that is not why we didn’t do Skrulls. There is already enough going on in this movie.

Everyone loves Mark Ruffalo as Bruce Banner/The Hulk. So another solo film now, right?

I think Joss [Whedon, writer-director of Avengers] is much more eloquent about this than I am, but Hulk is seemingly more suited for an ensemble piece were he can be the loose canon, the unpredictable bad boy. You can’t get the same kind of moments necessarily when its a stand-alone movie and everything is on [Bruce Banner's] shoulders. Joss just said this earlier today: Bruce Banner spends all his time saying, “I don’t want to turn into the Hulk, I don’t want Hulk to come out.” But the audience wants the exact opposite! Obviously that is part of the nature of Bruce Banner and that is a part of The Avengers, but he has evolved to a point that he wouldn’t have been able to if we hadn’t taken him through The Incredible Hulk. Now we find him a little more at piece with it all. And it’s not until he meets Tony Stark and exposed to the other heroes of the Avengers that he is willing to go for it – in that moment that we won’t spoil here.

How about Avengers 2, when might be expect some movement on that front?

If we do an Avengers 2 it will be after [Iron Man 3, Thor 2, Captain America 2]. They have to grow, they have to change. What they’ve gone through in this movie will impact their state of mind and where they stand in their next movies. Then whatever they go through in those movies is going to affect where we meet them in the next Avengers film. But I think people will be surprised to see, as we go forward – particularly in Iron Man 3 – the notion of how singular the stories can become. Iron Man 3 is a very singular Tony Stark story. As is Thor 2. Cap, who is stuck in the modern day with no friends or family, there will be some revelations of who is still alive from his days in WWII, but SHIELD and Nick Fury are kind of his confidants right now. So of all these movies, Captain America 2 will be most closely associated with Avengers.

Tell us a story Kevin, how did this all come to be anyway?

I would say it happened in stages over the course of production on Iron Man. We were tasked with making Iron Man and Hulk into movies, by ourselves, in 2006/2007. And we were not owned by Disney at that point – we were our own company – and if those movies did not work we would have lost a lot. And the studio would not exist right now. It was sort of a go-for-broke mentality that we had. And we believed in the way we wanted to tell the stories, and how we wanted to bring Tony Stark in particular to life. So that was the only thing we were working on, the only thing we were focused on. And during development – I don’t remember who it was – but some of the writers asked, “Hey we want to have an agent who is sort of trailing Tony Stark, and is asking questions to add an air of mystery and global consequence to what he’s doing. Can we use SHIELD?” And I said, no no, you can’t do that. I said that as a knee-jerk reaction because that is what I would always say when people writing Fantastic Four or X-Men or Spider Man or whatever – I’m not saying they all asked for SHIELD, but many of them would ask for something that wasn’t in their contract. So my knee-jerk was no no. But then I thought, oh wait, you can! Of course you can! It’s ours! We have it!

And that’s when Agent Coulson was added to Iron Man, and having fun with what SHIELD stands for and that sort of thing. Then it was shortly after that, that I was meeting with Sam Jackson’s people, just as part of a general Hollywood meeting, and his people asked, “Anything for Sam?” And I said, “You know, actually, in the comics they draw this character Nick Fury to look like Sam.” And they said, “Yeah, Sam loves that. He loves all those comics.” So I asked if he would want to come and put on an eye patch and work with us for a few hours. They said he’d totally do it. So I said to Jon [Favreau, director of Iron Man], let’s do this Nick Fury thing. We’ll have him come to Tony Stark’s house at the end of the credits. We didn’t know if it would work or if people would care, so we didn’t want to muck up the movie itself with it. That might be confusing, like, “Who’s this guy?” But we did think that for any fan hardcore enough to sit through six minutes of credits, they’d get a little bonus of Nick Fury telling Tony that he’s part of a bigger universe. And everybody went for it, whether they knew who Nick Fury was or not because they knew who Sam Jackson was! What the heck is he doing walking in at the end of this movie?!

And when Robert [Downey Jr] agreed to do a similar thing at the end of The Incredible Hulk, it really solidified. Oh my god, these different movies, with different kinds of trailers and commercials and attitudes, but they’re connected? And that picked up so quickly and people were so into it that we thought, wow, this could work. I think at Comic-Con 2006, somebody asked if there could ever be an Avengers movie. And I said, well, I don’t know. But if you look at the characters that Marvel Studios has the rights to — Iron Man, Thor, Captain America, Hulk, Nick Fury. And the audience started getting very excited by that notion. I had no idea we could actually do it when I said that in 2006. But after the release of Iron Man, that opening weekend, Marvel sort of called and said, “Okay. How many movies do you want to do, what order do you want to do them, let’s do them.” So we announced the following Monday all these movies and release dates. A couple of them shifted from the original announcement. But now here we are in 2012.

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m kind of Avengersed out now. Enjoy the rest of your day.

Source: Geek Tyrant

Making movies take a lot of time. A big Hollywood Summer Blockbuster filled with tons of CGI and Effects takes even longer. It’s not much of a surprise that James Cameron said the following while talking with the New York Times:

“I’ve divided my time over the last 16 years over deep ocean exploration and filmmaking. I’ve made two movies in 16 years, and I’ve done eight expeditions. Last year I basically completely disbanded my production company’s development arm. So I’m not interested in developing anything. I’m in the “Avatar” business. Period. That’s it. I’m making “Avatar 2,” “Avatar 3,” maybe “Avatar 4,” and I’m not going to produce other people’s movies for them. I’m not interested in taking scripts. And that all sounds I suppose a little bit restricted, but the point is I think within the “Avatar” landscape I can say everything I need to say that I think needs to be said, in terms of the state of the world and what I think we need to be doing about it. And doing it in an entertaining way. And anything I can’t say in that area, I want to say through documentaries, which I’m continuing. I’ve done five documentaries in the last 10 years, and I’ll hopefully do a lot more.”

That pretty much kills many aspiring script writers, directors, and other Hollywood dreamers pinning their hopes on handing Cameron a script while he’s trapped at the restaurant’s bathroom urinal or slipping a film treatment into Cameron’s grocery bag. Cameron went on to give us an update on how “The Avatar” business is going these days.

“We’ve spent the last year and a half on software development and pipeline development. The virtual production methodology was extremely prototypical on the first film. As then, no one had ever done it before and we didn’t even know for two and half years into it and $100 million into it if it was going to work. So we just wanted to make our lives a whole lot easier so that we can spend a little more of our brainpower on creativity. It was a very, very uphill battle on the first film. So we’ve been mostly working on the tool set, the production pipeline, setting up the new stages in Los Angeles, setting up the new visual effects pipeline in New Zealand, that sort of thing. And, by the way, writing. We haven’t gotten to the design stage yet. That’ll be the next.”

A year and a half on software development . . . Cameron is 57 years old. With medical technology today and his enormous wealth he can expect to live a long productive rest of his life. Will Cameron never do another film that is not about Avatar? For now he wants his plate clear with no distractions, but after Avatar 4 who can really say? If anything, Hollywood has time and time again proven that something new can capture a producer or director’s imagination and change any of their carefully laid plans.

The Avengers opened with the biggest box office ever for a domestic release of a film, so now we start the discussion of what happens next. And to do that, if you haven’t seen the movie yet and don’t want to be spoiled, we need you to leave this page.

(But seriously, you’re on a website called “Nerd Bastards” and clicked on a page that has the words “Spoiler” and “Avengers” it, and you’re thinking “I don’t want to be spoiled”… What’s wrong with you?!)

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So if you’re still here, I assume you are spoiled, or don’t mind being spoiled. So here we go: You know how Agent Coulson is killed by Loki in the film? Well what if he’s not really dead? After all, we don’t “see” him die, and only have Nick Fury’s word that he died, when he tells Maria Hill over the walkie-talkie that Coulson’s gone. Considering how Fury uses Coulson’s death to galvanize the team to get into the fight, can we put it past the S.H.I.E.L.D. director to pull a fast one?

So what future does fate hold for Phil Coulson and his portrayer Clark Gregg? Let’s go to an interview courtesy of Comic Book Movie:

Mark Julian: Now originally no one knew how important your character would become after the first Iron Man. Are you signed for 7 pictures like Chris Evans and Samuel Jackson or do you renegotiate with each subsequent film?

Clark Gregg: I was signed up for a bunch of pictures, I think it was six.

MJ: There’s a new director joining the Marvel camp in Patty Jenkins. Have you had a chance to speak with her?

CG: No. But I’m going to be speaking with her very soon. And I’m looking forward to it because I’m a big fan of hers and I thought the movie she made [Monster] was great.

MJ: Marvel’s got Ant-Man, Doctor Strange, Black Panther, Guardians of the Galaxy, Namor, and [the Inhumans]; all in various stages of development. Has anyone approached you about being in any of those movies?

CG: The one’s you’ve named, no, not the ones you’ve named. I’m talking with them about doing a couple of other movies but it’s not the one’s you’ve named.

MJ: Aha! So what has come up in those talks?

CG: You’re trying to get me murdered. You’re trying to get me killed by my own S.H.I.E.L.D. agents and that would be bad.

Hm. For those you you keeping score at home, that means Coulson’s obliged about two-third’s of his contract (Iron Man, Iron Man 2, Thor, The Avengers). It’s also interesting that he was going to take a meeting with the former Thor 2 director Patty Jenkins. Surely by that point all the Powers That Be knew that Coulson was biting the proverbial big one in The Avengers.

So was The Avengers the untimely death of Phil Coulson? Time will tell.

Source: Comic Book Movie

One of the things that makes Game of Thrones, and the book series it’s based on, so fascinating is the rich world building and history created by George R.R. Martin. You could study Westeros as if it were a real point in history because, hell, we know more about it than we do actual points in history!

Included in the special features on Game of Thrones Season One Blu-ray is an awesome collection of featurettes which explain in detail the complicated history and mythos of Westeros. There are features on the different houses and their lineage, the religions, certain orders and important events. Basically, if you’re watching the show and need to understand how groups of people relate to each other, or don’t understand why one family loathes another, here’s your homework.

Thanks to Youtuber Will & Grace, all these featurettes have been uploaded and collected in one excellent playlist. Get crackin’! Test on Friday.

Psst! Have you read out review of the latest episode, “The Old Gods and The New“?

Source: io9

ComicList Week In Review: Volume 18, Issue 18

The past week's posts and tweets from ComicList!

Every girl's crazy about a sharp-dressed hero on HeroUp.com!

ComicList Week In Review: Volume 18, Issue 18

The past week's posts and tweets from ComicList!

Every girl's crazy about a sharp-dressed hero on HeroUp.com!